It's Christmas night 2015. I'm sitting here reflecting on life, and my journey.  It's been about 2.5 years since my bariatric surgery.  I've been a complete failure in continuing to write and update my blog.  Life has been a blur and writing has clearly not been a priority. Oh well. I can't be good at everything.

I weigh 142lbs now.  I've hovered between 140-150 for the past year.  I'm at my spot.  This is me. I'm thrilled with how far I've come and where my body has settled in its happy place.  I feel amazing.  My life has changed in so many positive ways as a result of losing the weight.

I'm more successful in my job. I'm happier in my marriage.  I'm healthier in a zillion ways. Having this surgery was the single best health decision I've ever made and I don't regret it for a second.

Two weeks ago I took another enormous step forward.  I had plastic surgery to remove the loose skin on my abdomen, and enhance my newly trim body.  I was fortunate to not need a "pannulectomy" as many weight loss surgery patients need, or a "body lift" after losing a full 100lbs.

I spent months researching and having consults with plastic surgeons discussing my case.  I finally found a surgeon that I trusted and clicked with on many levels.  She specializes in having very natural results and weight loss patients are a large part of her practice. On December 11th, 2015 I had a full abdominoplasty (Tummy tuck to repair torn stomach muscles and remove excess skin and tissue), liposuction of my flanks and hips, and I had a breast augmentation with silicone implants to revitalize the loss of breast volume and tissue I had after breast feeding two children and losing 100lbs. Never in a million years would I ever have imagined I'd be this girl.  You know, the one with the super flat tummy and the amazingly perfect boobs.  But guess what, it's Christmas day, and I woke up this morning and found a bikini under the Christmas tree and it fit me.  Also, I looked like a hot bitch in it. I die. I mean seriously, me...the former fat girl, is living this life for real.

I got christmas gifts from my husband that made me feel beautiful today.  This enormous physical change has created and even larger psychological change which I'm firmly convinced is the larger and more difficult journey that I've been on the past few years.

Feeling "Empty" vs. Feeling "Hungry"

It's been 13 months since my surgery, and it's taken me this long to really figure out the difference between feeling "empty" in my stomach, and actual hunger. It occurs to me that I don' t like the empty feeling much and in the past, I would shove food down my throat to cope with that feeling.  I've discovered that there is a big difference between empty and true hunger. 

I guess I'm a pretty slow learner.  Maybe if I'd worked more closely with a counselor or nutritionist, I would have wrapped my head around this earlier in the process.  The good news is, I'm consciously on to it now and looking out for it.  Not to say that I still don't have times where I'm needlessly feeding the "empty" feeling, but I'm not unconsciously gorging myself anymore.

What I've determined for myself is that true hunger is painful.  Hunger makes me grumpy, and I can't think of anything except food.  Sometimes I even feel lightheaded if I'm truly hungry.  For the record, hunger is pretty rare for me.  I'm not one of those girls who conveniently "forgets to eat".  Also, I don't live in a third world country, so there is that.

Empty for me is a kind of knawing feeling that is just uncomfortable for some reason.  Psychologically, I just don't like it.  I believe I've conditioned myself to "feed" that feeling.  I'm trying my best to recognize this feeling now, and I use water to hydrate and fill my stomach when it hits.  I feel better when I'm well hydrated, and I feel better when my stomach isn't completely empty.

I'm teaching myself that empty is okay.  One day at a time.

VACATION = ANXIETY

Vacations are supposed to be relaxing, right? Why do  I feel like I need to find the nearest tall bridge to jump off then? (Oh, don't get all freaky and call the suicide hotline, I'm just bitching here, nothing to worry about.) I'm just saying that vacations bring me a bit of anxiety.

If you don't already know it, I'm a total workaholic.  I work in a very fast paced, high stress job, and I never get time off.  This is the first real vacation I've taken in over 4 years.  I'm not even sure I still know how to relax.  I don't relax, ever.  I don't know when the last time I slept past 6am was.  I'm just really kind of a stresscase. My phone is always on, and I'm on call all the time.

I'm leaving tomorrow morning to take my kids to the beach for a week.  We are meeting a big group of my extended family and having a mini-reunion.  There will also be a fun little beach wedding thrown in to the mix during the week.  My phone is going off, my email left unattended, and I'm not bringing an alarm clock. This alone gives me a major sense of anxiety.

Here's where I really freak out.  Nobody outside my immediate family knows that I had surgery.  They may have seen pics of me on facebook and wondered why I look different, I don't know? Many of my family members are also overweight.  I hope that I serve as an inspiration to them versus a topic of catty gossip throughout the week.  It will be interesting to say the least.  I'm proud of me, and I guess that's all that matters.

Then there's the whole what am I going to eat to stick to my fairly militant high protein paleo diet this week question looming in my knoggin. I'm planning ahead, but there's about a 90% chance that the plan will be tossed aside and I'll use that phrase from "Risky Business" ..."sometimes you just have to say 'what the fuck'". While I don't see donuts in my future, the chances of fried fish and chips appearing on a plate near me soon are great.  I am making a conscious decision ahead of time to not beat myself up about my food choices this week. I've spent the better part of my life beating myself up for being a diet failure, there is no need to continue that trend now.  I love myself too much to be mean like that.

I don't even want to get into the whole topic of wearing swimsuits in public for the first time in literally a decade.  I'm not sure who it will be more scary for? Me, because I'm really body conscious and still trying to learn to be comfortable in my newly leaner body, or those around me, because this body hasn't seen the light of day in years and is GHOST WHITE.  Think Casper.  Frightening, right?

Tossing my fears aside, my goals for the week are simple.  I'm going to learn to sleep in again. Ride my bike along the coast. Take walks on the beach. Read good books. Ride a shitload of waves. Rock a bathing suit in public and just love it. Go to a wedding and eat cake. Smile and laugh a lot.

When I get back, it will be only a few days until the one year anniversary of my surgery.  I can't wait.  That day is very important to me.  It's the day I took my life back.

Wearing a Dress, for the first time in YEARS

This may sound small and silly, but I'm unbelievably excited that I went to a store, bought a DRESS, and I'm wearing it tonight to my son's 8th grade graduation.  I tried it on last night for my husband, and he said "Wow, you look HOT!"

I haven't even owned a dress or a skirt for at least 10 years.  I'm just over 10 months out from surgery, and down to a size 10 now, so I thought it was time to try it.  I forgot what it was like to feel pretty.  Pretty cool stuff!

Weight Update - 10 Months Post-Op Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy

It's been 10 months since my surgery and I'm down to 155lbs. That is 85lbs gone. I can't believe I'm here.  Seriously, I wouldn't have believed it if you told me this would happen a year ago.  I know, I was hoping this would happen, but in my heart I never thought it was possible.  My ongoing struggle with weight loss attempts conditioned me to set very low expectations for myself to avoid the disappointment of another failed intervention.  What I've discovered this past 10 months is that I'm stronger than I ever imagined.  I'm not losing weight to be skinny anymore, I'm training to be badass! I've only just begun this journey!

My dress size is a womens 10 now.  I wore a 20 the day of surgery.  My labwork is totally normal.  My blood pressure is totally normal.  I no longer need to use a CPAP machine to breathe at night while I sleep.  I only take one medicine now, and that's to help with gastric reflux, that I've always had.

My only regret, and I'll say this forever, is that I waited so long to do this!

My Newest Favorite Thing - Podcasts!

While my "favorite things" aren't quite as elaborate or awe inspiring as Oprah's, I still feel like you should know about them.  (All two of you who actually read this.)

One of my new favorite things is a podcast by Reeger Cortell, FNP- C called "Weight Loss Surgery Podcast". You can find it here: http://www.weightlosssurgerypodcast.com/ I was able to quickly go to the podcast app on my iphone and download multiple episodes in a matter of minutes.

I'm feeling particularly blessed, because the show's host, Reeger Cortell is a Nurse Practitioner in my bariatric surgeons office that is involved with my care.  She told me about her podcast venture on a recent visit to have my labwork checked.  I'm so grateful to her that she mentioned it to me, as it's truly become something I value in my journey to become a better me.

I have a crazy work schedule and spend a great number of hours behind the wheel driving to different destinations.  Listening to this podcast has been a great way for me to stay engaged, listen to something interesting and ultimately healing and helpful, and pass the time while I drive. 

I really enjoy Reeger's calm demeanor and insight as a host.  She has a wealth of information and wisdom from her years in medicine, and specifically caring for those who struggle with weight loss and all the emotional, physical, and surrounding issues that effect her patients. The podcasts often include interviews with patients, physician experts, and others who contribute to the overall care of patients who are involved in the weight loss surgery process.

As a person who has struggled for years with my own demons regarding weight loss, it has been incredible for me to listen to Reeger's interview with patients on subjects like emotional eating, what we believe and our own self-talk, and our fears as we approach subjects like the possibility of going under the knife.  The first two episodes I listened to had me in tears, because I could relate so much to what was being said and it really hit home for me. I am a rare weight loss surgery patient, as I never attended the "in-person" required support group meetings.  I had my surgery out of town, and my physician agreed to allow me to skip his support group due to my travel distance under the condition that I'd find another group to attend in person or online.  I have been faithfully participating online speaking to others through the www.thinnertimesforum.com (which I'd also highly recommend) and I find that listening to this podcast is also an equally valuable source of camaraderie and information.

If you are struggling to get fit, feel healthy, might be considering weight loss surgery at all, I'd suggest that you listen to this podcast.  Its well done, very good information, and one of my new favorite things!

I'm in a Stall....Grrrrr

Its been six long weeks since I've lost a pound.  Seriously.  I'm so annoyed.  I'm eating right, and nothing is changing.  This is the longest stall I've had since my surgery.  It's pretty normal for me to stall for a few weeks and then lose a bunch overnight.  It sort of goes in stair steps for me.  I think this is a fairly normal progression for lots of folks.  I'm not sure whats different about this?  I'm 164lbs now.  I'm 29 pounds from my goal weight, and the weight loss seems much more difficult now.  I know that if I stick to my plan, and keep my calories managed and my protein intake high, the weight will come off.  But, I'm still frustrated. 

I physically feel great right now.  I definitely have tons more energy than I ever did before surgery.  I'm not even sure how I carried around all that weight every day?  No wonder I was always tired.  I see my doctor in a few weeks to check my labwork and have an evaluation of how I'm doing so far.  I'm looking forward to talking to him about my progress. 

Even though I'm grumpy about being the same weight for the past six weeks, when I look at the big picture I am so happy with how far I've come this year.  This time last year, I was doing the preparatory classes and legwork to get my insurance to approve my surgery.  I couldn't have imagined how well I'd do at this point. 

A few things have changed, like...

I'm wearing medium sized womens clothing now.  I used to be a XXL.
I've bought bras at Victoria's Secret! (the secret really is that fat girls can't shop here.)
I can walk up a flight of stairs without being winded at all.
I can actually run now without feeling like I'm going to die.
I can sit in an airplane seat without spilling over the edges and maxing out the seatbelt.
People smile at me more now.  (Sad, but true.)
People I know, don't recognize me at first.  I love when this happens.
I'm looking forward to buying a bathing suit for this summer for the first time in 20 years!
I've given my entire wardrobe to charity.
I've looked at myself in the mirror and thought I was pretty. (this is HUGE)
I feel good consistently.
I'm sleeping better.

Weight Loss Update

I'm a week away from being 6 months post-op.  I've lost 65lbs, and 8 dress sizes now.  I'm down to 175lbs.  I feel incredible! 

What Do I Eat?

The short answer is everything.  Well, almost everything.  I get asked this question a lot.  I've put together a list for you below.  My philosophy on this differs from widely held views in the weight loss community, but it works for me.  I'm a firm believer in eating locally grown, organic, as close to "farm to table" as possible. I avoid processed foods, and things with artificial sweeteners and "diet" labeling. I don't cut fat, and I eat bacon.  I drink whole milk and I eat real cheese.  I eat more along the lines of the "Paleo" diet than anything else.  My diet is high protein, and low carb.  I don't believe that I need "whole grains" to survive.  I don't do soy products and vegan stuff.  I eat meat.  I am a carnivore and I couldn't be happier with how this diet makes me feel.

Here's what I don't eat:

Tortillas - for some reason they make me hurl now.  This is horrific, as I love them.
Rice - awww I miss rice.
Potatoes - I would kill a man for a french fry.
Bread -occasionally I will have a few bites, but that is all
Pasta - as an Italian American, this deserves it's own funeral. RIP Pasta
Sugar Free anything - chemicals, ewwww
Fat Free anything - I like fat, fat is good
Anything with artificial sweeteners - more chemicals, ewwww
Margarine - eeeeewwww
Diet anything - ya, you guessed it, chemicals, ewwwwww
Chips - RIP chips
Candy - sugar is poison to me
Soda or anything carbonated
Beer - RIP beer
Booze - I just don't need the calories, and wine is not booze, right?
Processed foods that come in a box - avoid these at all costs.  If they have more than 5 ingredients I usually don't eat them.


Here's what I'm eating:

Proteins: Chicken, fish, beef, pork (BACON), beans, eggs, greek yogurts, cheese, protein shakes (made with whey isolate) I always eat 2-3 oz of protein to start every meal, and try to make my snacks protein heavy too. I'm usually pretty full with just this, and can only fit in a few bites of anything on the side.
Grains: barely a few bites here and there, only after I've eaten 2-3 oz of protein
Veggies: Organic fresh veggies only, and only after my protein. Usually only a few bites.
Crackers- only a few, and as a vehicle to get protein in
Fruit - a few bites a day. Blueberries or a half of banana in my shakes, an orange, or an apple.
Chia Seeds - this is my trendy new trick. I get the organic ones from Costco and put a tablespoon in a small amount of juice and drink it down.  3g of protein per tablespoon, plus 5g of fiber and Omega 3's.  Love this!
Coffee - I started on decaf at 3 months post-op, then went to regular coffee at 5 months post-op.  I have one cup per day in the morning with straight up half and half as creamer.  No fake creamer, no sugar. I rarely actually finish my coffee because I'm usually getting ready for work and forget about it before it's cold. It's more of a ritual for me that I enjoy.
Red Wine - occasionally I will have 1/2 of a glass of red wine.  I only began to try it after my doctor cleared me at 5 months post-op.  My family owns a winery, so being able to taste wine is essential for me, and so far its been no problem. I think the health benefits of red wine far outweigh the problems, as long as its kept to a minimum on occasion only.

To Tell or Not to Tell, That is The Question...

One of the toughest things I've wrestled with since my surgery more than 5 months ago, is whether or not to tell people that I had surgery.

In the beginning when people couldn't really notice a difference in me, it was no big deal.  But now, the change is quite noticeable. I'm down 65lbs, and 8 dress sizes.  I've gone from wearing XXL size scrubs to work to a size Medium.  People have questions.  I look different.  I'm so happy that my body is changing and so proud of the hard work that I've put into this.  But it's weird when they ask "how are you losing all this weight."

I've explained that I had surgery to some, and I've just simply said "eating right and exercising" to others.  I feel like there is so much judgement surrounding this surgery from people that it keeps me from being 100% honest with them.  I am concerned about what people will think.  I'm not sure why I give a shit what they think, because I'm damn proud of what I've done to change my life. 

So far the folks that I've straight up told about surgery have been rather supportive.  I feel badly at times that I haven't been more open with some others, but I guess I just don't feel comfortable sharing my personal life with everyone I come into contact with.  This weight loss surgery experience is a very personal thing, and for me it was a very difficult decision.  I fight with this dilemma to tell  or not tell almost every day now.

What do you think? Do you tell? Do you not tell?

I am Thankful For...

I survived the queen mother of all fat girl holidays, Thanksgiving. This year, for the first time ever, I weigh the same after Thanksgiving as I did before the gluttons day. In fact, I lost a pound the next day.

I cooked a big traditional Thanksgiving and had a house full of guests. I was able to stick with Greek yogurt and a protein shake all day leading up to the big feast. Then I ate Thanksgiving dinner with everyone else. Except, instead of loading my plate, I had about a teaspoon full of everything. I ate the turkey first, to fill my tummy sleeve with protein. I tasted everything, and it was divine. I didn't feel cheated or deprived at all. I was stuffed, just like every other Thanksgiving in history. 

I felt great and got lots of compliments in the meal as well as how I looked. My little brother was here, and hasn't seen me since before my surgery. He was blown away by how skinny I am. Now mind you, I am in no way skinny. However, in comparison to how I looked four months ago, I'm a twig.

It felt amazing to not feel disgusted after Thanksgiving for all of the food I'd pigged out in and how much weight I'd gained. 

In other victories...

The whole family was getting ready to go downtown to watch the Christmas lights parade last night, and I was upset because all of my jackets were huge on me. Nothing I own fits me. I started rifling thru the hall closet looking for things I haven't worn in ages, but haven't parted with.  I pulled out this great Eddie Bauer winter coat, that I haven't fit into since roughly 1994 (size medium) and slipped it right on. I almost fainted. I wore it with pride last night. 

It's been a while...

I've been lapsed in blogging. I'm sorry. My life is about one straight jacket away from being legally crazy right now. 

I am short-handed at work and have been doing the jobs of two people now for a few months. Pretty good way to recover from major surgery, eh? 

A quick update on my saga is that my weight is 192lbs as of this morning. I've lost 46lbs since surgery. For me, this is nothing short of a miracle. I'm down from a size 20, to a size 14-16 in most clothes. I have a ton more energy during the day. I'm sleeping better. My blood pressure is now normal. My cholesterol is down 100 points. My triglycerides are normal, good cholesterol (HDL) stayed the same, and my bad cholesterol (LDL) came down significantly. I'm off of all my pre-surgery meds, except for birth control pills, and Protonix for GERD. I still get GERD if I don't take the meds, and not sure that's going to go away. I'm still using a CPAP at night for sleep apnea, but my Doc says its only a matter of time before I don't need it anymore. 

When I look at other folks' weight loss numbers online or at my support group my 46lbs seems weak at this stage. But I'm happy with it. Little by little each month it gets better. I seem to plateau every few weeks for a while and then I start losing again. I know now that if I don't get close to 90g of protein in per day, I feel bad and don't seem to lose weight. Also, if my calories aren't up near 1000 per day, my body just shuts down and I stop losing. 

I really want to lose about 54 more lbs for  a total of 100lbs. I think it's possible. I'm almost half way there. 

Meals are getting easier to eat, and I sure am a cheap date now. I can eat pretty much everything, just in wee tiny portions. I eat about 3oz of food per meal on average. I steer clear of bread and other pretty fluffy white carby foods which just feel like a giant ball of glue in my stomach. I'm not sure how vegetarians do this. I would die. I live on eggs, meat, yogurt, and cheese...and i like it.  I also found out that corn tortillas make me insta-hurl. Don't ask....

My only real issues at this point are with taking my vitamins, taking time to exercise, learning how to handle compliments, and bad hair days.

I'm struggling with vitamins, as they make me very nauseated. It seems like the only ones I can keep down are the gummy-vites.  My doctor frowned on that, but to my thinking something is better than nothing. I tried taking Zofran first (anti-nausea drug) and it didn't do diddily-squat. My deepest concern is becoming anemic. I'm going to keep trying different formulations to see if I can find one that doesn't make me upchuck.

I suck at taking time to exercise. It's my goal this month to get cranking on the strength training. I want to retain my muscle mass and lose my fat. Strength training will help a lot. It also helps with skin elasticity.

As for the compliments, they are starting to roll in. Some are heartfelt and make me smile, and quite frankly some are creepy as hell. A few ladies have asked me what I'm doing, and I've said "eating a lot less, and a very high protein diet". Which is all true, right? I also mention the paleo diet, which I try to stick to daily. Eating clean, organic, no processed crap foods. I have told a few people the whole story, but I just feel like its really nobody's business really. It's funny how some people judge me for having surgery, like its cheating or something. Little do they know the daily struggle I endure. This surgery is no walk in the park. This has been hard work and it always will be. 

I almost forgot to mention bad hair days. My hair is falling out. This is common after weight loss surgery. This by far might be the scariest thing since my brother took me to see Poltergeist at age 5. I know it will grow back, and I know it's only temporary, but when I see that clump of hair in my shower drain every morning I sigh a little deeply. I'm taking Biotin every day to assist in the regrowth, but so far I see no signs of it stopping. 

My life has changed and despite my whining I'm really, really glad.

PS I'm logging all my diet and exercise drama on the MyFitnessPal app if you want to friend me. My username is LeavingLardass. Original, eh?

Back to the Grind

As you may have noticed, I've been kind of sucking at blogging regularly.  This is not due to a lack of interest, but more due to a lack of time and energy.  I went back to work 2 weeks ago and its been kicking my butt a little.  I'm making it thru the workdays okay, but I'm pooped at night.  I do collapsing into bed really well.

In two days, I will be 4 weeks out of surgery.  My incisions are all well healed, and I have no real pain, except when I attempt to eat or drink too much or too fast.  I'm eating soft foods now. This is a huge improvement over the pureed ick I was eating in the very beginning.  I've only lost about 19lbs.  I'm kind of disappointed in that.

My struggles right now lie in getting in my 60-90g of protein and 64oz of water each day while at work.  I don't work a desk job. I'm active and busy, and it takes a lot of planning to make it all work.  I went to my first pre-op appointment last week and the doctor said I was starving myself.  He said to bump up my calories and protein..  I have been averaging about 500 calories a day.  My weight loss has completely stalled. He urged me to eat every 2 hours.  Sounds great, except with the restrictions around drinking water before and after meals, it makes this virtually impossible.  When I told him that this schedule was an impossible full-time job in itself, his response was "screw it, eat, drink whenever you can...even at the same time, forget the restrictions".  So that helped a lot.  I'm still drinking two protein shakes a day to make up for my inability to shove food down my throat. Never in my life have I had to fight for more calories, it's total weirdness.

The doctor also told me that I'm becoming anemic.  I've never been anemic before in my life. I pride myself in being an wild carnivore. Now I have to take a chewable iron supplement that tastes like a dogs ass every day.  This wouldn't be so bad, but the other shitload of vitamins I'm taking make me feel like I'm going to hurl for an hour after I take them every day.  I haven't found an answer to the hurl feeling yet.  I'm just sucking it up and being queasy every day. 

On a brighter note, I discovered that Costco is the shit! I mean seriously, they have so much food there that is friendly for protein freaks like me! I went there over the weekend and totally scored. I'm already a big fan of the Premier Protein Shakes (Chocolate) that they sell, but here is a list of other delicious morsels I found:

Aidell's Chicken Meatballs (Teriyaki and Pineapple flavored)... these are how I know God exists.
Foster Farms chicken Patties
Turkey Burgers
Babybel Cheese ... 5g of protein in one of these little nuggets!
Individually wrapped boneless skinless chicken breasts
Rosarita Refried Beans
Aidells Pineapple Sausages (they taste like ham with pineapple...YUM)
Fage Yogurt
Roasted Red Pepper Hummus
Premier Protein Bars

So if you're jonesing for protein, Costco is your fix!

I'm off to go eat...all four bites of something. 

Today I am Tired

I got up this morning and made a protein shake. I took my car in to the shop for a much needed oil change. (I've been putting that off forever.) I drove home, watered my plants, and sent off a few emails for work. 

Then I looked in the mirror. I look like a ghost lady. I'm getting big dark circles under my eyes. I sent my husband a selfie, to see if he noticed any change in my face. His response "you look tired". I guess I am tired. 

So my afternoon plan was to take a nap. I suck at naps. Usually I can never sleep during the day. I instructed the demon spawn to let me sleep and not enter my room. I laid down and slept off and on for 2 hours. The smallest spawn came in twice and woke me up "to make sure I was still alive". So much for uninterrupted snoozing. I tried. 

So I'm up sipping water and getting ready to watch a preseason football game on the tube. 

I can't hardly stand this little vacation.

One Week Post-Op - I Feel Pregnant

I feel pregnant. Not like 'there is a baby in my tummy' pregnant, but more of a 'I'm going to hurl every morning' pregnant. 

It seems like each morning I'm greeted with this gnawing sense of barf-o-rama feeling. I'm okay after I choke down a protein shake and some water. If this keeps up, they're going to think I have morning sickness when I go back to work. I'll be the source of many amusing rumors. They think I'm on vacation this week. 

No doubt this diet of chocolate and vanilla shitshakes is horrifying on every level, but my bathroom scale says I'm down 19lbs today. 19lbs in one week? I can only believe that my bathroom scale has lost it's mind. Or I had 19lbs of fluid loss? Either that, or this big ass surgical intervention is actually working. To that I say, hallefuckinglujah!

For the most part, at one week post-op, I feel pretty damn good. I'm up, moving around and causing trouble. I'm bossing my kids around like I'm Kim Jong Il. I'm not sleeping all day. I'm not taking any pain meds. I haven't had anything for pain since I left the hospital. I'm bored off my ass. My belly itches at all five incision sites. I've resorted to sitting at my computer sipping water and protein while buying shit I don't need on Amazon and perusing "for when I can eat again" recipes on Pinterest.

Each day is better and I keep reminding myself why I did this. One day I will have a great ass in yoga pants. 

I'm Going Stir Crazy!

You might not know this, but I'm kind of a workaholic. This being off 12 days may kill me. I don't know how to chill.

There is 100% chance if you asked my family, they'd all say I'm insane right now. I'm 6 days post-op, and I feel great. I'm concentrating on sipping my protein and water so I don't get dehydrated. I'm bored silly.

So, I decided to make a ginormous pot of organic chicken stock. I tossed in a whole organic chicken, a bunch of celery, carrots, a few onions, a bulb of garlic, fresh thyme, rosemary, and sage. I seasoned it with sea salt and black pepper and let it rip on the stove. (I made my 13 year old son lift the heavy pot onto the stove for me, because I have a 15lb weight limit for 5 more weeks.)

When it's done, I'll strain it and portion the broth. I'll take the chicken and veggies out and freeze them for later. I can sip this delicious broth now, and later I can purée the meat and veggies in when I'm on soft foods. 

I'm not going to let this liquid diet cramp my style. 

Living on Protein Shakes and Dreams

I bought a few cases of these Premier Protein shakes at Costco prior to surgery in chocolate and vanilla flavoring. They have been a God send in getting my protein in each day. I'm literally living on these things right now.  As an admitted foodie, I am beside myself with boredom eating this diet. Thank goodness that they taste pretty good. 

I hear that they also make protein bars (for when I can eat like a normal human being again someday). I'm looking forward to trying those also. 

Post-Op Day 6

I've been home from the hospital for a few days now, and each day I feel better. The pain is subsiding, and the soreness from the gas seems to be better. My incisions are itchy, so I guess they're healing normally. 

My biggest challenge now is getting in the necessary protein and fluids at this point. I'm not hungry. Water makes my stomach cramp. I've figured out that if I make luke warm herbal tea, I can sip the fluids better. I'm forcing myself to sip on protein shakes all day in between. I'm constantly sipping, it seems. I don't want to end up back in the hospital with dehydration, so I'm trying to be diligent.

Yesterday I was really nauseas when I woke up. I was scared to death that I was going to hurl. Hurling would be very painful.

I didn't hurl, thankfully. I did have my first BM post-op which scared me almost as much as the thought of hurling. Lets just say everything came out okay. I was cursing my doctor the night before surgery for making me do a bowel prep. Now I understand, and I'd like to publicly thank him for that gift.

I've been sitting up in a chair most of the time, doing well. I'm not gonna lie, I may use this excuse to buy a new comfy living room chair. I miss my auto-adjustable hospital bed with its flexible positioning, tethered TV remote, phone, and call bell.

Yesterday was the first day I didn't take a big nap. My family all came to see me, and with everyone visiting I didn't sleep. Then I had a hard time getting to sleep last night because I couldn't find a comfortable position. I ended up sleeping for about 5 hours and then getting up and painting my nails. 

My dream is to someday sleep for 8 hours a night on average. That would be so amazing. 

The good news is, I'm getting caught up on all my trashy reality TV shows and creating the longest Honey-Do list for the hubby ever. 

72 Hours Post- Op

The pain is much better today. Getting in and out of bed is a bitch, but I can do it slowly. 

I hurt in weird places, like my chest/shoulders, and my groins. My doc says that most of this pain is due to the CO2 gas that they pumped my abdomen full of during surgery. Couldn't they just be kind and deflate me when they were done?

I'm also sore at the incision sites. I have  5 incisions across my tummy from the laparoscopes. I've been up walking the halls all day today pretty much on the hour. I've doing laps around the nurses station like I'm a NASCAR or something. 

Today they've had me sipping 30cc of water alternating with 30cc protein shake every 15 minutes. I've been getting it down pretty well. Oddly, the water is harder for me to get down. I get a little cramping as it hits my stomach. 

I've had hardly any pain meds. I didn't tolerated the morphine pump (it made me nauseated and I could barely pee), so they put neon oral Percocet, which worked great, but I had a massive allergic reaction. Good times. Now I've got liquid Lortab (pretty much just disgusting liquid  Vicodin). It helps take the edge off. 

I'm also getting these lovely heparin injections into my abdomen a few times per day. They sting like a son of a bitch, but I guess it's way better than getting a blood clot. 

I've had some acid reflux and they started out with IV Pepcid, that didn't help at all. I talked them into giving me Protonix IV, and my heartburn is gone. I'm glad they listened to me. 

Today's big event is that I blew out my IV and my forearm swelled up and doubled in size. It ached like a mofo. I bribed my doc into not starting another IV since I'm planning on going home tomorrow. I'm so swollen, everywhere. I feel like a puffy prednisone baby. 

I'm hoping to go home tomorrow if everything stays the way it is. I'm ready to get the heck outta here.

Almost 48 Hours Post-Op

I'm sore. I'm exhausted. I'm grumpy.

I'm still in the hospital. Will update when my fingers are free of gadgets.