I am Thankful For...

I survived the queen mother of all fat girl holidays, Thanksgiving. This year, for the first time ever, I weigh the same after Thanksgiving as I did before the gluttons day. In fact, I lost a pound the next day.

I cooked a big traditional Thanksgiving and had a house full of guests. I was able to stick with Greek yogurt and a protein shake all day leading up to the big feast. Then I ate Thanksgiving dinner with everyone else. Except, instead of loading my plate, I had about a teaspoon full of everything. I ate the turkey first, to fill my tummy sleeve with protein. I tasted everything, and it was divine. I didn't feel cheated or deprived at all. I was stuffed, just like every other Thanksgiving in history. 

I felt great and got lots of compliments in the meal as well as how I looked. My little brother was here, and hasn't seen me since before my surgery. He was blown away by how skinny I am. Now mind you, I am in no way skinny. However, in comparison to how I looked four months ago, I'm a twig.

It felt amazing to not feel disgusted after Thanksgiving for all of the food I'd pigged out in and how much weight I'd gained. 

In other victories...

The whole family was getting ready to go downtown to watch the Christmas lights parade last night, and I was upset because all of my jackets were huge on me. Nothing I own fits me. I started rifling thru the hall closet looking for things I haven't worn in ages, but haven't parted with.  I pulled out this great Eddie Bauer winter coat, that I haven't fit into since roughly 1994 (size medium) and slipped it right on. I almost fainted. I wore it with pride last night. 

It's been a while...

I've been lapsed in blogging. I'm sorry. My life is about one straight jacket away from being legally crazy right now. 

I am short-handed at work and have been doing the jobs of two people now for a few months. Pretty good way to recover from major surgery, eh? 

A quick update on my saga is that my weight is 192lbs as of this morning. I've lost 46lbs since surgery. For me, this is nothing short of a miracle. I'm down from a size 20, to a size 14-16 in most clothes. I have a ton more energy during the day. I'm sleeping better. My blood pressure is now normal. My cholesterol is down 100 points. My triglycerides are normal, good cholesterol (HDL) stayed the same, and my bad cholesterol (LDL) came down significantly. I'm off of all my pre-surgery meds, except for birth control pills, and Protonix for GERD. I still get GERD if I don't take the meds, and not sure that's going to go away. I'm still using a CPAP at night for sleep apnea, but my Doc says its only a matter of time before I don't need it anymore. 

When I look at other folks' weight loss numbers online or at my support group my 46lbs seems weak at this stage. But I'm happy with it. Little by little each month it gets better. I seem to plateau every few weeks for a while and then I start losing again. I know now that if I don't get close to 90g of protein in per day, I feel bad and don't seem to lose weight. Also, if my calories aren't up near 1000 per day, my body just shuts down and I stop losing. 

I really want to lose about 54 more lbs for  a total of 100lbs. I think it's possible. I'm almost half way there. 

Meals are getting easier to eat, and I sure am a cheap date now. I can eat pretty much everything, just in wee tiny portions. I eat about 3oz of food per meal on average. I steer clear of bread and other pretty fluffy white carby foods which just feel like a giant ball of glue in my stomach. I'm not sure how vegetarians do this. I would die. I live on eggs, meat, yogurt, and cheese...and i like it.  I also found out that corn tortillas make me insta-hurl. Don't ask....

My only real issues at this point are with taking my vitamins, taking time to exercise, learning how to handle compliments, and bad hair days.

I'm struggling with vitamins, as they make me very nauseated. It seems like the only ones I can keep down are the gummy-vites.  My doctor frowned on that, but to my thinking something is better than nothing. I tried taking Zofran first (anti-nausea drug) and it didn't do diddily-squat. My deepest concern is becoming anemic. I'm going to keep trying different formulations to see if I can find one that doesn't make me upchuck.

I suck at taking time to exercise. It's my goal this month to get cranking on the strength training. I want to retain my muscle mass and lose my fat. Strength training will help a lot. It also helps with skin elasticity.

As for the compliments, they are starting to roll in. Some are heartfelt and make me smile, and quite frankly some are creepy as hell. A few ladies have asked me what I'm doing, and I've said "eating a lot less, and a very high protein diet". Which is all true, right? I also mention the paleo diet, which I try to stick to daily. Eating clean, organic, no processed crap foods. I have told a few people the whole story, but I just feel like its really nobody's business really. It's funny how some people judge me for having surgery, like its cheating or something. Little do they know the daily struggle I endure. This surgery is no walk in the park. This has been hard work and it always will be. 

I almost forgot to mention bad hair days. My hair is falling out. This is common after weight loss surgery. This by far might be the scariest thing since my brother took me to see Poltergeist at age 5. I know it will grow back, and I know it's only temporary, but when I see that clump of hair in my shower drain every morning I sigh a little deeply. I'm taking Biotin every day to assist in the regrowth, but so far I see no signs of it stopping. 

My life has changed and despite my whining I'm really, really glad.

PS I'm logging all my diet and exercise drama on the MyFitnessPal app if you want to friend me. My username is LeavingLardass. Original, eh?

Back to the Grind

As you may have noticed, I've been kind of sucking at blogging regularly.  This is not due to a lack of interest, but more due to a lack of time and energy.  I went back to work 2 weeks ago and its been kicking my butt a little.  I'm making it thru the workdays okay, but I'm pooped at night.  I do collapsing into bed really well.

In two days, I will be 4 weeks out of surgery.  My incisions are all well healed, and I have no real pain, except when I attempt to eat or drink too much or too fast.  I'm eating soft foods now. This is a huge improvement over the pureed ick I was eating in the very beginning.  I've only lost about 19lbs.  I'm kind of disappointed in that.

My struggles right now lie in getting in my 60-90g of protein and 64oz of water each day while at work.  I don't work a desk job. I'm active and busy, and it takes a lot of planning to make it all work.  I went to my first pre-op appointment last week and the doctor said I was starving myself.  He said to bump up my calories and protein..  I have been averaging about 500 calories a day.  My weight loss has completely stalled. He urged me to eat every 2 hours.  Sounds great, except with the restrictions around drinking water before and after meals, it makes this virtually impossible.  When I told him that this schedule was an impossible full-time job in itself, his response was "screw it, eat, drink whenever you can...even at the same time, forget the restrictions".  So that helped a lot.  I'm still drinking two protein shakes a day to make up for my inability to shove food down my throat. Never in my life have I had to fight for more calories, it's total weirdness.

The doctor also told me that I'm becoming anemic.  I've never been anemic before in my life. I pride myself in being an wild carnivore. Now I have to take a chewable iron supplement that tastes like a dogs ass every day.  This wouldn't be so bad, but the other shitload of vitamins I'm taking make me feel like I'm going to hurl for an hour after I take them every day.  I haven't found an answer to the hurl feeling yet.  I'm just sucking it up and being queasy every day. 

On a brighter note, I discovered that Costco is the shit! I mean seriously, they have so much food there that is friendly for protein freaks like me! I went there over the weekend and totally scored. I'm already a big fan of the Premier Protein Shakes (Chocolate) that they sell, but here is a list of other delicious morsels I found:

Aidell's Chicken Meatballs (Teriyaki and Pineapple flavored)... these are how I know God exists.
Foster Farms chicken Patties
Turkey Burgers
Babybel Cheese ... 5g of protein in one of these little nuggets!
Individually wrapped boneless skinless chicken breasts
Rosarita Refried Beans
Aidells Pineapple Sausages (they taste like ham with pineapple...YUM)
Fage Yogurt
Roasted Red Pepper Hummus
Premier Protein Bars

So if you're jonesing for protein, Costco is your fix!

I'm off to go eat...all four bites of something. 

Today I am Tired

I got up this morning and made a protein shake. I took my car in to the shop for a much needed oil change. (I've been putting that off forever.) I drove home, watered my plants, and sent off a few emails for work. 

Then I looked in the mirror. I look like a ghost lady. I'm getting big dark circles under my eyes. I sent my husband a selfie, to see if he noticed any change in my face. His response "you look tired". I guess I am tired. 

So my afternoon plan was to take a nap. I suck at naps. Usually I can never sleep during the day. I instructed the demon spawn to let me sleep and not enter my room. I laid down and slept off and on for 2 hours. The smallest spawn came in twice and woke me up "to make sure I was still alive". So much for uninterrupted snoozing. I tried. 

So I'm up sipping water and getting ready to watch a preseason football game on the tube. 

I can't hardly stand this little vacation.

One Week Post-Op - I Feel Pregnant

I feel pregnant. Not like 'there is a baby in my tummy' pregnant, but more of a 'I'm going to hurl every morning' pregnant. 

It seems like each morning I'm greeted with this gnawing sense of barf-o-rama feeling. I'm okay after I choke down a protein shake and some water. If this keeps up, they're going to think I have morning sickness when I go back to work. I'll be the source of many amusing rumors. They think I'm on vacation this week. 

No doubt this diet of chocolate and vanilla shitshakes is horrifying on every level, but my bathroom scale says I'm down 19lbs today. 19lbs in one week? I can only believe that my bathroom scale has lost it's mind. Or I had 19lbs of fluid loss? Either that, or this big ass surgical intervention is actually working. To that I say, hallefuckinglujah!

For the most part, at one week post-op, I feel pretty damn good. I'm up, moving around and causing trouble. I'm bossing my kids around like I'm Kim Jong Il. I'm not sleeping all day. I'm not taking any pain meds. I haven't had anything for pain since I left the hospital. I'm bored off my ass. My belly itches at all five incision sites. I've resorted to sitting at my computer sipping water and protein while buying shit I don't need on Amazon and perusing "for when I can eat again" recipes on Pinterest.

Each day is better and I keep reminding myself why I did this. One day I will have a great ass in yoga pants. 

I'm Going Stir Crazy!

You might not know this, but I'm kind of a workaholic. This being off 12 days may kill me. I don't know how to chill.

There is 100% chance if you asked my family, they'd all say I'm insane right now. I'm 6 days post-op, and I feel great. I'm concentrating on sipping my protein and water so I don't get dehydrated. I'm bored silly.

So, I decided to make a ginormous pot of organic chicken stock. I tossed in a whole organic chicken, a bunch of celery, carrots, a few onions, a bulb of garlic, fresh thyme, rosemary, and sage. I seasoned it with sea salt and black pepper and let it rip on the stove. (I made my 13 year old son lift the heavy pot onto the stove for me, because I have a 15lb weight limit for 5 more weeks.)

When it's done, I'll strain it and portion the broth. I'll take the chicken and veggies out and freeze them for later. I can sip this delicious broth now, and later I can purée the meat and veggies in when I'm on soft foods. 

I'm not going to let this liquid diet cramp my style. 

Living on Protein Shakes and Dreams

I bought a few cases of these Premier Protein shakes at Costco prior to surgery in chocolate and vanilla flavoring. They have been a God send in getting my protein in each day. I'm literally living on these things right now.  As an admitted foodie, I am beside myself with boredom eating this diet. Thank goodness that they taste pretty good. 

I hear that they also make protein bars (for when I can eat like a normal human being again someday). I'm looking forward to trying those also. 

Post-Op Day 6

I've been home from the hospital for a few days now, and each day I feel better. The pain is subsiding, and the soreness from the gas seems to be better. My incisions are itchy, so I guess they're healing normally. 

My biggest challenge now is getting in the necessary protein and fluids at this point. I'm not hungry. Water makes my stomach cramp. I've figured out that if I make luke warm herbal tea, I can sip the fluids better. I'm forcing myself to sip on protein shakes all day in between. I'm constantly sipping, it seems. I don't want to end up back in the hospital with dehydration, so I'm trying to be diligent.

Yesterday I was really nauseas when I woke up. I was scared to death that I was going to hurl. Hurling would be very painful.

I didn't hurl, thankfully. I did have my first BM post-op which scared me almost as much as the thought of hurling. Lets just say everything came out okay. I was cursing my doctor the night before surgery for making me do a bowel prep. Now I understand, and I'd like to publicly thank him for that gift.

I've been sitting up in a chair most of the time, doing well. I'm not gonna lie, I may use this excuse to buy a new comfy living room chair. I miss my auto-adjustable hospital bed with its flexible positioning, tethered TV remote, phone, and call bell.

Yesterday was the first day I didn't take a big nap. My family all came to see me, and with everyone visiting I didn't sleep. Then I had a hard time getting to sleep last night because I couldn't find a comfortable position. I ended up sleeping for about 5 hours and then getting up and painting my nails. 

My dream is to someday sleep for 8 hours a night on average. That would be so amazing. 

The good news is, I'm getting caught up on all my trashy reality TV shows and creating the longest Honey-Do list for the hubby ever. 

72 Hours Post- Op

The pain is much better today. Getting in and out of bed is a bitch, but I can do it slowly. 

I hurt in weird places, like my chest/shoulders, and my groins. My doc says that most of this pain is due to the CO2 gas that they pumped my abdomen full of during surgery. Couldn't they just be kind and deflate me when they were done?

I'm also sore at the incision sites. I have  5 incisions across my tummy from the laparoscopes. I've been up walking the halls all day today pretty much on the hour. I've doing laps around the nurses station like I'm a NASCAR or something. 

Today they've had me sipping 30cc of water alternating with 30cc protein shake every 15 minutes. I've been getting it down pretty well. Oddly, the water is harder for me to get down. I get a little cramping as it hits my stomach. 

I've had hardly any pain meds. I didn't tolerated the morphine pump (it made me nauseated and I could barely pee), so they put neon oral Percocet, which worked great, but I had a massive allergic reaction. Good times. Now I've got liquid Lortab (pretty much just disgusting liquid  Vicodin). It helps take the edge off. 

I'm also getting these lovely heparin injections into my abdomen a few times per day. They sting like a son of a bitch, but I guess it's way better than getting a blood clot. 

I've had some acid reflux and they started out with IV Pepcid, that didn't help at all. I talked them into giving me Protonix IV, and my heartburn is gone. I'm glad they listened to me. 

Today's big event is that I blew out my IV and my forearm swelled up and doubled in size. It ached like a mofo. I bribed my doc into not starting another IV since I'm planning on going home tomorrow. I'm so swollen, everywhere. I feel like a puffy prednisone baby. 

I'm hoping to go home tomorrow if everything stays the way it is. I'm ready to get the heck outta here.

Almost 48 Hours Post-Op

I'm sore. I'm exhausted. I'm grumpy.

I'm still in the hospital. Will update when my fingers are free of gadgets. 

Headed to the Hospital

It's 11:11pm...

I'm lying in bed, savoring the last 49 minutes that I can drink fluids. 

I've packed, pooped (thank you bowel prep), showered, and done the sticky/itchy chlorhexadine wipe down. 

In the morning I check in and give them permission to cut out 85% of my stomach. 

So, vodka is a clear liquid, right?

Tomorrow is D Day

I check in to the hospital tomorrow morning at 7am for my sleeve gastrectomy surgery. I can't believe it's finally here. I'm ready. 

I'm sipping some herbal tea and getting ready to take the dreaded "before" pictures. 

Liquid Diet Day 6 - This Stinks!

It's no secret that I'm not a fan of the liquid diet that I've been on. I'm trying to stay positive, but its been hard this week.  

Last night I had to sit there and endure a family barbecue while they ate burgers and I sipped my soup. I was doing good until they brought out the dessert and set it right next to me. That was brutal.

I'm looking forward to not being this hungry ever again. I pray that post op my hunger is nonexistent. 

I'm at work today and its my last day before my surgery. People keep asking me why I'm going to be gone for 10 days, and it's been interesting trying to respond. I'm not comfortable blurting out what's really going on here, so I've been quite vague. I think this has sent their curiosity into to overdrive. I was thinking that it would be really fun to tell them that I'm having a Brazilian butt lift and some raging hemorrhoids removed. They might actually believe me. 

Tomorrow is clear liquid diet and bowel prep day. Doesn't that sound like the best day if your life? I can hardly wait to spend the day on the pot. 

Yes, my life is full of glamour.    

I'm Not Dead Yet

I'm still alive. Day 5 of the liquid diet, and I'm not dead yet. I hate everything and I'm super bitch grumpy, but I'm alive. I'd kill a man for a taco right now. 

I know, impoverished people everywhere starve more than I am daily. I don't care. I'm ungrateful and I want French fries!

I'm Hangry!

I'm hangry! Hangry = Hungry + Angry. 

I've been on this shithole liquid diet for 3 days now, and I'm either going to be homicidal or suicidal by the end of it!  In order to prepare for surgery, and apparently shrink my liver and intestines, I'm not allowed to eat anything solid for a week. 

I have to admit that each day has become a bit easier.  The first day I was ready to murder my firstborn son and roast him over the spit with barbeque sauce and a nice Pinot Noir.  Today is day three, and I'm finding solace in coconut popsicles. 

I've been drinking protein shakes for every meal and an occasional bowl of pureed soup.  My son walked by when I was eating my soup for lunch and was sure to tell me how much butternut squash soup looks like baby poop. 

I really want a steak. Or a taco. Or a ginormous slice of gooey cheesy pizza.  And 17 margaritas until I don't care anymore.

I'm Back and Shit Just Got Real Up in Here

 I know, I don't know where the hell I've been for like 2 years again either.  The short story is I didn't lose any weight.  Not one pound.  To say that it's depressing is an understatement.  Things are about to get real around here because I've made some major decisions about my health.  I came to this choice completely out of fear for my life.  I'm falling apart, and I feel like I'm slowly watching myself die in front of my family.  I have to intervene. I refuse to let this happen. 

So I'm scheduled to have a vertical sleeve gastrectomy surgery next week on 7/31/13 and I'm excited and terrified all at the same time. Yes, you read that right.

I haven't always been a fat chic.  In fact, I was a high level athlete when I was younger.  But then came marriage, motherhood, and long nights on the couch with Ben and Jerry's.(Also In n Out Burger french fries.  God bless them.)  Things started to fall apart after the birth of my first child, where I gained 65lbs.  I remember those skinny broads from the Mommy and Me classes saying "you can just breastfeed that weight away".  Liars! I only lost a small amount of the weight post-partum. Then, six years ago, after the birth of my second child, where I gained 35 more pounds,  I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). PCOS has perpetuated weight gain, sleep apnea, gastric reflux, hair loss, and me being generally pissed off that my body is falling apart.  I've found it virtually impossible to lose the weight.  I work a high stress job that affords me a great deal of travel and eating out, and that hasn't helped.  The stress and the diet have contributed to my deteriorating health.

Like many of you I'm sure, this has been a long road fought with frustration and anguishing decisions. My health has suffered greatly. My own happiness and my relationship with my poor husband who has tried to be supportive while I quietly ballooned in front of his eyes and lost my mind a bit have all taken a hit.  

I started this blog to chronicle my journey to get healthy in 2010 and sadly its been as failed as my weight loss has been so far. But I've made a commitment to blog, at least once a week there, (hopefully more) during and after my surgery to share my experiences. 

 My blog is called "Leaving Lardass", because that's what I intend to do.

My goal isn't so much about weight, as it is about health. My true goals are o sleep 8 hours without the need for a CPAP machine so I don' t feel like Darth Vader lying next to my husband, to stop taking gross medications for the PCOS that make me feel like crap, to not have to hold my breath to tie my shoes, to gain some of my physical strength back so that I can do the things I love like skiing and hiking, and to wear a dress or a swimsuit without feeling like a pariah.

Buckle Up, and remember, I say bad words, a lot.