Headed to the Hospital

It's 11:11pm...

I'm lying in bed, savoring the last 49 minutes that I can drink fluids. 

I've packed, pooped (thank you bowel prep), showered, and done the sticky/itchy chlorhexadine wipe down. 

In the morning I check in and give them permission to cut out 85% of my stomach. 

So, vodka is a clear liquid, right?

Tomorrow is D Day

I check in to the hospital tomorrow morning at 7am for my sleeve gastrectomy surgery. I can't believe it's finally here. I'm ready. 

I'm sipping some herbal tea and getting ready to take the dreaded "before" pictures. 

Liquid Diet Day 6 - This Stinks!

It's no secret that I'm not a fan of the liquid diet that I've been on. I'm trying to stay positive, but its been hard this week.  

Last night I had to sit there and endure a family barbecue while they ate burgers and I sipped my soup. I was doing good until they brought out the dessert and set it right next to me. That was brutal.

I'm looking forward to not being this hungry ever again. I pray that post op my hunger is nonexistent. 

I'm at work today and its my last day before my surgery. People keep asking me why I'm going to be gone for 10 days, and it's been interesting trying to respond. I'm not comfortable blurting out what's really going on here, so I've been quite vague. I think this has sent their curiosity into to overdrive. I was thinking that it would be really fun to tell them that I'm having a Brazilian butt lift and some raging hemorrhoids removed. They might actually believe me. 

Tomorrow is clear liquid diet and bowel prep day. Doesn't that sound like the best day if your life? I can hardly wait to spend the day on the pot. 

Yes, my life is full of glamour.    

I'm Not Dead Yet

I'm still alive. Day 5 of the liquid diet, and I'm not dead yet. I hate everything and I'm super bitch grumpy, but I'm alive. I'd kill a man for a taco right now. 

I know, impoverished people everywhere starve more than I am daily. I don't care. I'm ungrateful and I want French fries!

I'm Hangry!

I'm hangry! Hangry = Hungry + Angry. 

I've been on this shithole liquid diet for 3 days now, and I'm either going to be homicidal or suicidal by the end of it!  In order to prepare for surgery, and apparently shrink my liver and intestines, I'm not allowed to eat anything solid for a week. 

I have to admit that each day has become a bit easier.  The first day I was ready to murder my firstborn son and roast him over the spit with barbeque sauce and a nice Pinot Noir.  Today is day three, and I'm finding solace in coconut popsicles. 

I've been drinking protein shakes for every meal and an occasional bowl of pureed soup.  My son walked by when I was eating my soup for lunch and was sure to tell me how much butternut squash soup looks like baby poop. 

I really want a steak. Or a taco. Or a ginormous slice of gooey cheesy pizza.  And 17 margaritas until I don't care anymore.

I'm Back and Shit Just Got Real Up in Here

 I know, I don't know where the hell I've been for like 2 years again either.  The short story is I didn't lose any weight.  Not one pound.  To say that it's depressing is an understatement.  Things are about to get real around here because I've made some major decisions about my health.  I came to this choice completely out of fear for my life.  I'm falling apart, and I feel like I'm slowly watching myself die in front of my family.  I have to intervene. I refuse to let this happen. 

So I'm scheduled to have a vertical sleeve gastrectomy surgery next week on 7/31/13 and I'm excited and terrified all at the same time. Yes, you read that right.

I haven't always been a fat chic.  In fact, I was a high level athlete when I was younger.  But then came marriage, motherhood, and long nights on the couch with Ben and Jerry's.(Also In n Out Burger french fries.  God bless them.)  Things started to fall apart after the birth of my first child, where I gained 65lbs.  I remember those skinny broads from the Mommy and Me classes saying "you can just breastfeed that weight away".  Liars! I only lost a small amount of the weight post-partum. Then, six years ago, after the birth of my second child, where I gained 35 more pounds,  I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). PCOS has perpetuated weight gain, sleep apnea, gastric reflux, hair loss, and me being generally pissed off that my body is falling apart.  I've found it virtually impossible to lose the weight.  I work a high stress job that affords me a great deal of travel and eating out, and that hasn't helped.  The stress and the diet have contributed to my deteriorating health.

Like many of you I'm sure, this has been a long road fought with frustration and anguishing decisions. My health has suffered greatly. My own happiness and my relationship with my poor husband who has tried to be supportive while I quietly ballooned in front of his eyes and lost my mind a bit have all taken a hit.  

I started this blog to chronicle my journey to get healthy in 2010 and sadly its been as failed as my weight loss has been so far. But I've made a commitment to blog, at least once a week there, (hopefully more) during and after my surgery to share my experiences. 

 My blog is called "Leaving Lardass", because that's what I intend to do.

My goal isn't so much about weight, as it is about health. My true goals are o sleep 8 hours without the need for a CPAP machine so I don' t feel like Darth Vader lying next to my husband, to stop taking gross medications for the PCOS that make me feel like crap, to not have to hold my breath to tie my shoes, to gain some of my physical strength back so that I can do the things I love like skiing and hiking, and to wear a dress or a swimsuit without feeling like a pariah.

Buckle Up, and remember, I say bad words, a lot.