I'm Back and Shit Just Got Real Up in Here

 I know, I don't know where the hell I've been for like 2 years again either.  The short story is I didn't lose any weight.  Not one pound.  To say that it's depressing is an understatement.  Things are about to get real around here because I've made some major decisions about my health.  I came to this choice completely out of fear for my life.  I'm falling apart, and I feel like I'm slowly watching myself die in front of my family.  I have to intervene. I refuse to let this happen. 

So I'm scheduled to have a vertical sleeve gastrectomy surgery next week on 7/31/13 and I'm excited and terrified all at the same time. Yes, you read that right.

I haven't always been a fat chic.  In fact, I was a high level athlete when I was younger.  But then came marriage, motherhood, and long nights on the couch with Ben and Jerry's.(Also In n Out Burger french fries.  God bless them.)  Things started to fall apart after the birth of my first child, where I gained 65lbs.  I remember those skinny broads from the Mommy and Me classes saying "you can just breastfeed that weight away".  Liars! I only lost a small amount of the weight post-partum. Then, six years ago, after the birth of my second child, where I gained 35 more pounds,  I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). PCOS has perpetuated weight gain, sleep apnea, gastric reflux, hair loss, and me being generally pissed off that my body is falling apart.  I've found it virtually impossible to lose the weight.  I work a high stress job that affords me a great deal of travel and eating out, and that hasn't helped.  The stress and the diet have contributed to my deteriorating health.

Like many of you I'm sure, this has been a long road fought with frustration and anguishing decisions. My health has suffered greatly. My own happiness and my relationship with my poor husband who has tried to be supportive while I quietly ballooned in front of his eyes and lost my mind a bit have all taken a hit.  

I started this blog to chronicle my journey to get healthy in 2010 and sadly its been as failed as my weight loss has been so far. But I've made a commitment to blog, at least once a week there, (hopefully more) during and after my surgery to share my experiences. 

 My blog is called "Leaving Lardass", because that's what I intend to do.

My goal isn't so much about weight, as it is about health. My true goals are o sleep 8 hours without the need for a CPAP machine so I don' t feel like Darth Vader lying next to my husband, to stop taking gross medications for the PCOS that make me feel like crap, to not have to hold my breath to tie my shoes, to gain some of my physical strength back so that I can do the things I love like skiing and hiking, and to wear a dress or a swimsuit without feeling like a pariah.

Buckle Up, and remember, I say bad words, a lot.